E-mail from a new born to an unborn.
(transmitted through the medium of telepathy)
Dear junior,
I know that I am disturbing your well earned rest by seeking your attention to listen to this message while you are comfortably floating in the space station, locally known as the womb, where the temperature is controlled, lighting soothing to the eyes, sound levels within tolerable limits and your demands are met instantly through the service tube provided. I am also aware that you are eagerly counting the days for your ejection from the station and eventual touch down to terra-firma. Hence this message is to prepare you for days subsequent to your landing on this planet, since the service tube will be disconnected on your coming out and you will be left alone to fend for yourself in a world of chaos and confusion ,blaring lights and deafening noise levels. The folks around you are not intelligent enough to understand your needs for eating, resting, exercise and entertainment as well as the timing since you would not be able to speak in their language. To bridge the communication gap, it is necessary for you to train them to attend to your needs in the same way, scientists train guinea pigs to respond to human directions through special signals.
As soon as you come out, the first action to take is to cry, a signal that would alert people to scurry towards you to attend to your needs. If you come out smiling, remember, you are sure to be ignored by the same people! Hence the basic signal you have to use frequently is a shriek.
You have to train them to give you food whenever you need. The signal is to put both your hands in the mouth. If they hesitate or delay taking action, let out a scream to shake the very building. They would know that you mean business.
If you want to rest uninterrupted, yawn frequently and close your eyes. They would be glad to leave you to take rest as long as you want.
If you need to go for an outing, lift your hands up while lying, and they would take the cue and pick you up to go for a walk. But some lazy guys may simply lift you and sit comfortably elsewhere. Don’t approve of such actions. Gently tap them once or twice and if they do not respond, use the basic signal of letting out a shriek that would make them deaf. They would understand what you mean.
Whenever you need entertainment, tap your feet on the bed. This would be the signal for your people to sing and dance around you. Your grand parents would be the first to oblige you. You can make them dance like hell, make them do all sorts of tricks and jump like monkeys. If you laugh cynically sympathizing with their old age, they would take it as an encouragement to further continue ! Your aunties would find their inherent skills in dancing and singing to please you even if they have not attended any such schools. But don’t try this technique on your dad. He is a tough nut to crack.
So, memorise these signals and train the guinea pigs to respond to your needs so that you can have comfortable days when on earth. Remember always the basic signal- to cry, scream or shriek, in that order, to alert the folks.
Wishing you a safe landing and happy days there after.
Lovingly yours,
senior
