The Bonus Issue

God Almighty was furious. His staff had moved a resolution defying all norms of office decorum. It lay mocking at Him on His table, challenging His very authority.
He glanced over their resolution once again.
“We, the staff of the heavenly administration, hereby affirm that the well-being of earthlings is our main concern .We had worked hard all these years to achieve this end and none need entertain any doubt about it. We consider that the progress the earthlings achieved is mostly due to our devoted and sincere efforts in efficiently disposing of the files, thereby facilitating to quickly grant the blessings sought by them, without causing any administrative delay. It is therefore our unanimous demand that a minimum bonus be granted to every employee of this administration in appreciation of the services rendered in the quick disposal of cases, without adopting the usual delay tactic of seeking further clarifications.
“We fully understand that there is no accepted norm to assess the degree of improvement in people’s welfare. In our humble way, we therefore suggest that since any progress is dependent on speedy file-work, the growth of files may be considered as the yardstick for deciding the quantum of bonus.”
A deputation of His administrative staff was impatiently waiting outside His room to discuss the issue. They demanded an immediate response from Him.
He felt unhappy of the way events took control of the situation and was therefore upset. Toning up the administration was His aim and, when He heard of the great reforms brought about in the administration of ‘God’s Own Country’, He was tempted to change the then existing ‘ Paradise Model’ to the version followed in that country. He appointed an earthling as His administrative Manager who wasted no time to bring in an army of Deputies, Assistants and other supporting staff for effective administration. He gave them all powers even to recast the constitution, keeping with Him only the over-riding powers to scrap the ‘model’ when and if necessary.
The troubles started when the welfare of the earthlings became the first casualty after the reforms came into effect.
He did express his concern to the Manager in resorting to unnecessary correspondence and building up volumes of files, while dealing with the earthly issues. He did not mind the officials framing codes and rules and establishing procedures and precedents for administering the Planet. But He found that though the rules covered a wide range of situations, the interpretation was subjective; they were framed with good intentions , but implementation was bad.
He also found to His dismay that He was not giving enough time to look into the welfare of the Planet Earth as most of the time was spent to attend to the complaints and allegations of His administrative staff. There were grumblings over seniority, bickering s over promotion and squabbles for status. They were vociferous about their rights, but not so about their duties!
The tragedy was waiting to happen. Complaints from earthlings which started as a trickle soon turned into an avalanche .Their prayers went unheeded, they wailed. There was bias and partiality in dealing with their applications, they lamented..
He knew that the jealousies, vindictiveness and intrigues among the staff were slowly eroding the foundations of His administration. But He did not anticipate the events to move so fast culminating in the present state of revolt.
Being a model employer, he had conceded to their demand for over-time wages, some time back. His action was unwarranted, He knew, since work was rarely done during office hours!
“It is my right to get pay for attending the office”, He heard one of them telling his colleagues. “But to do work, I want over time allowance.”
Irresponsible people they were, still He tolerated them.
The group outside was getting restless, it appeared. Cat calls and shouts indicated their impatience.
“What do you mean by demanding bonus?”, He thundered. “What important work have you done, each and every one of you, to deserve such an incentive?”
“The management should understand that the voice of the working class cannot be hustled into silence by such bourgeoise methods,” the Union leader cautioned him.
The Almighty was startled to hear such an impertinent reply. Never before He had faced such an arrogant crowd. He was used to seeing people seeking favours from Him only in a submissive manner.
In the present explosive situation, He had to change the tone and tenor in the approach to make them see reason, He felt.
“Well, you have to satisfy me with your performance in the past few years before making such a demand,” He told them softly.
“We are satisfied with our performance and that is a good enough reason”, the leader was cool in his reply.
“You may be satisfied with your work,” He said. “But earthlings are unhappy and are complaining”
“Keep the earthlings out of this issue,” they shouted in unison. “This is a matter between us. The earthlings have no role in this discussion.”
“But”, He wanted to point out to them their deficiencies in their work.”If you were so good”,
“No ifs and buts”, the group surged towards Him with threatening gestures, “Are you going to accept the demand?”
“No”. He was firm.
“Then we are giving notice of going on strike. We want to see how an unreasonable, autocratic management can function without the active support of the working class .Sure, the Planet Earth is going to suffer and we are sorry for that, but we don’t care.”
They trooped out of His office shouting slogans.
The staff need to be disciplined and exemplary punishment is the only way out , He decided.
He referred to the provisions in the ‘Rule Book’.
Para 3.1.2 of the rule dealing with disciplinary actions and dismissal from service (as amended from time to time), read as under:
“No member of the administrative staff shall be dismissed from service without framing proper charges against the accused and without holding an enquiry by an officer not below the rank of a Deputy Administrative Officer , if the available evidence indicated that a case worth investigating existed; provided that the worthiness or otherwise of the case has been recommended by a committee set up exclusively for the purpose; and provided further that the official has been warned a sufficient number of times in writing after getting his explanation in writing by a competent authority, and after affording him as many chances as possible to improve.
Note: For the purpose of this rule , a competent authority is defined as one who is specially designated to act as such by general or special orders of the administration.”
God realised that He had become a prisoner of rules and regulations in His own Kingdom, by bringing in the much hyped ‘ Earth model’ in administration. He could do nothing immediately to discipline the erring staff as a set of long drawn procedure has to be followed as per rules to take any penal action.
He asked His consultant , a retired administrator from earth, for advice. The consultant ,an authority on rules and regulations, had a ready-made solution to tide over the situation- the setting up of an Administrative Reforms Commission to come up with suitable recommendations!
He scratched His bald pate to find a way out. Soon, He got the solution He wanted from the old adage-‘a hair on the head is worth two in the brush.’
Using His over-riding powers available in the ‘Rule Book’ , God Almighty scrapped all the earthly rules, sent the staff and the consultant to the Netherlands of hell, and reverted back to the ‘Paradise Model’ of administration, to take care of the affairs of the Planet Earth.