Ramnath stopped the car to watch the dawn
and to absorb the scenic beauty of the western ghats from where the river Pampa
descended.
From that vantage point, he
could see the river snaking its way along an endless succession of
mountain ranges, racing down through the intervening forests and disappearing
to oblivion to reach its destination, the Arabian sea.On the far river banks,
he could see men in black, some preparing for bath, some ready for their climb
and some running, rather than walking up the foot hills carrying the
"Irumudi". all chanting the mantra, "Swamiye Saranam Ayyappa"
The sky to the east had become fairly red
even by six in the morning, a feature unheard of during winter in the northern
part of the country from where he came. It was mildly cold at this time of the
month, but it was pleasant.
The dawn heralded the beginning of another
day, but was it going to be the same as in the past? Or was he going to
experience something different as was presumed before the beginning of the
pilgrimage? He still had his doubts.
Ramnath prepared himself for the journey
through the forests leading to the hill temple, carrying Irumudi, containing
the materials for offering to Ayyappa. The jungles sheltered wild
animals, he had been told already. He might come across herds of wild elephants
and at times tigers, he was fore warned.But the pilgrimage would be rewarding ,
his friend had assured him.
The mist present in the early hours started
rolling away revealing the serpentine track that lay ahead. Quickly the sky
began to glow, became a fierce incandescent red glow and the sun came showing
up behind the hills like a huge and brilliant orb. Ramnath felt tired and
restless. He knew that he alone was responsible for taking the decision to take
the trek to Sabarimala, leaving his cosy atmosphere back at home so as to get
the so called mental peace through spiritual pathways.
He was never like that earlier. He was a
successful businessman. His attitude to life was, since beginning, purely based
on business concepts. He considered every thing in life in terms of
profit and loss only. Even family relationship existed as a commercial
proposition, he used to assert.But the sudden death of his only son, the heir
for his business empire, changed him, changed his attitude to life. He found a
purposeless hollowness in life.
In the beginning,his uneasiness was like a
mere intellectual quest. It soon started burning him up in a conflagration,
roasting him up from within. Soon he became so ablaze with questions on the
riddle of life that he concluded that the life he led so far was just an empty
dream.As days progressed, he found it difficult to adjust with the ways of life
around him. He started getting upset even on simple issues.
His friends felt that they should get him
out of his swinging moods to bring him back to his normal behaviour. They felt
it necessary to advice him to go for a picnic of sorts , visiting places of
interest from Kashmir to Kanyakumari and from southwest to northeast regions,
to watch the various festivals occurring every where, be it Diwali or
Holy,dance programmes or temple 'Utsavas'. Such activities would help him to
forget the tragedy and help him to recover from that shock.
Ramnath got convinced of their suggestions
and chalked out a programme to drown his rising depression
He sought solace in the sequestered valleys
and magnanimous mountain ranges of the Himalayas. He spent sleepless
nights gazing at the beauty of star studded skies and kept awake on the
banks of the river Ganga at Varanasi Ghats listening to the melody of its
ripples. He read books on "How to remain happy", on "God
Realisation" and books dealing with the philosophy of life authored by
eminent spiritual leaders. He tried his best to get into the gorgeous
avenues of eternal calmness, to escape from the commotions of daily life.
Still, he continued to be unhappy,
irritable, upset and mentally uneasy.
Remorse overwhelmed him as he
analysed the situation. His attempts to understand peace had proved futile so
far.The journey he now undertook to Sabarimala may also end up the same
way, he had his doubts.Anyway, it was going to be his last attempt in
quest of mental happiness. If it failed---?There was no answer to this
nagging query.
When he undertook the journey to Kochi,he
had no idea as to where Sabarimala was and what he would find there. A chance
encounter with his co-partner for years who settled down in Varanasi had shown
him a way and his advice to him to seek refuge in Ayyappa made him
attempt that rigorous journey. "But remember,the journey is not
going to be a pleasant affair. It is tough. Still it would be
worthwhile", he had cautioned him.
Ramnath sat down under the shelter of a
tree He did not put down his "Irumudi" as advised by his Guruswamy
who had told him not to keep the sacred bundle on the ground, but could
be kept on his shoulder whenever he felt the need for rest.He was not
able to walk further as every part of his body ached. To add to his
discomfiture, the day was getting hotter.
He was not physically fit nor mentally
prepared for such a journey, he felt. Doubts arose about the very wisdom of his
action. The incessant strifes and struggles of the past had dulled his
mind and heart to such an extent that he had lost his reasoning capacity, he
was certain. Otherwise how could he be so foolish as to jump into the fray of
such a strenuous journey? He did not critically examine the suggestion, he
knew.May be the anxious escapes and fears he had all along the initial period
had blunted his analytical power thereby pushing him to this
misadventure, he concluded.
The suffocating restlessness of his
questioning intellect would not have been calmed down by a religious
path, where no logical explanations were needed, where every happening would be
attributed to a single individual- the Supreme Power. The books he read pointed
out to only such a phenomenon and advocated only the need of self discipline
and concentration to reach Him by transcending the frontiers of inner bliss and
happiness. They detailed about the pleasures of divine thinking, about the
effulgence of spiritual truth that remained concealed in man. But his
query-.how to achieve that divine glory, remained unanswered.
Could this tiresome journey to Sabarimala
provide some answer? He still had his doubts.
True, he was going on this pilgrimage half
-heartedly, as a last chance. Would he be able to get what he wanted?
Ramnath was awakened from his musings by the voice of
small children chanting the praise of the Lord. He watched them more in
astonishment than curiosity. Their capacity for accepting sufferings and
their unflinching faith in Ayyappa, surprised him. He followed them.
"The wheel of life is such that it
crushes the very individual who clings on to its periphery, hanging on for
security," he remembered to have read in some books on spirituality.
"Instead if that man had merged with the axle, the life spark, he could
have been safe watching unattached how life rolls on"
Was it very much true about him also?
All along he was clinging to that wheel of life like a leach trying to suck as
much out of it as possible. In that process, he got bound by the tentacles of
materialistic life unable to come out and free himself.
Could this pilgrimage get him nearer to
that life spark?
Ramnath continued his journey through the
wild jungles of the western ghats. He had lost all hopes of achieving his
objective. He was sure that he would return a disappointed man He trudged along
following the pilgrims ahead of him.
An old pilgrim joined him and asked in chaste
Hindi, "Swamy,can I be of any help to you?
Ramnath stared at him. For the first time
he met a person who could speak his language so fluently.
"I am Jagdish from North.",he
introduced himself. "I have been a regular visitor to this temple for past
many years. Every time the season starts, I get the inner urge to come
here".
He had a stentorian voice commanding
instant attention. And his eyes had a rare glow not generally seen in the
people he had come across.
"The light of the body is the
eye", the scriptures had pronounced."And when the whole body is
permeated with spiritual light, it is radiated outwards"
True, Jagdish had some divine charm about
him.
"Thank you Swamiji", Ramnath
replied. "I am coming to these parts for the first time and the journey
through these inhospitable jungles made me a bit dull"
Jagdish was vociferous.He spoke about the
pleasures that the pilgrimage gave, about the effulgence of spiritual truth
that surfaced after the 'darshan' of the Lord Ayyappa and the ecstasies one got
from the pilgrimage.
Listening to him, Ramnath felt as if a
great burden has been taken away from him. Anyway, he was on his way to explore
and possibly experience that so called glorious feeling of divine reality.
As he entered the precincts of Sabarimala,
a wondrous unearthly scene greeted him. The wind that rioted across the
mountains uprooting trees in its arrogant course, appeared hushed as it
reached that sanctified atmosphere. The surrounding hills glowed with a warm,
deep green tint while an absolute sense of peace radiated from that area.
A sea of humanity, shouting Swamiye Saranam
Ayyappa surged through the sprawling grounds of Sabarimala. Ramnath too
joined them in sheer ecstasy on having a peep of the 'Srikovil' through the
crowds pushing to reach the sanctum. He felt then that he he would be able to
achieve his goal by merging with the nature that lay splashed in the
invigorating environment around him.
Slowly, he climbed the 'Eighteen Steps'
which took him to the 'Srikoil'.
For a moment , he stood motionless, struck
by the awe inspiring sight of the small idol of Ayyappa made in
'Panchloha' covered with flowers and garlands.He forgot about himself, about
his own existence feeling a magnificent peace descending on him and the Grace of
the Lord transporting him to a state of rapture to satisfy his quest.To him it
was one of the sudden halts in life when time and world seemed to stand still.
He recognised the pervading spirit of His existence penetrating through
the inner recesses of his being, flooding him with happiness.
The mystery of 'divinity' in quest of which
he had been roaming around all these years, stood unravelled before him.He felt
the mists of his mind getting cleared at that very moment, raising his spirit
to sublime happiness.
Tears rolled down his cheeks. Those were
the tears of joy, of well-being and of understanding the Divine reality.
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